The longest 52 minutes of my life

Gabriel, who had been sleeping an impressive 8 hours a night from about 2 months of age, decided on his 3 months birthday to stop sleeping well and to wake up several times a night, hourly between 2 to 7 AM. Add to that the activity packed schedule of the holidays, and needless to say the result was a very sleep deprived family. The New Year Party, although very enjoyable for Alejo and I, lead to a final sleepless night, and a total zombie state. Something had to be done.
We had just bought the book "Healthy sleep habits, Happy child", which had been thoroughly recommended by a couple of friends as a bible to establish good sleeping patterns with your child. Seeing as how their kid goes to bed at 7:00 pm and falls asleep alone without fussing, I figured it was worth a try. I started devouring the book. I was very excited when I found a passage describing exactly what we had been going through. I read it about 8 times. The explanation being that some babies mature early and are able to sleep through the night. But as their interactive skills develop, playing with mom and dad (or even watching the wall) starts sounding a lot more interesting than being left alone in a somewhat quiet and boring bed. They start fighting their sleep and become overtired, leading the body to produce adrenaline to compensate. This adrenaline surfaces and makes them wake up frequently, day and night. The solution: encouraging frequent and regular naps during the day, after 2 hours of wakefulness max.

We started this practice yesterday. Gabriel being overtired, he was really fussy and it was a long day of crying. At night we saw some improvement. He still woke up but was easy to put back to sleep. We needed a good night sleep, so I let him nurse frequently and fall asleep in our arms. That was the next problem I was ready to tackle. Teaching him how to fall asleep alone. The technique, develop a before-sleep routine, soothe your baby for a while, and then let him fall asleep alone, i.e. let him cry it out. Although definitely not the only method and not the best for everyone, this is supposedly the one that gives the fastest results, recommended for exhausted parents who crave a rapid solution.

Alejo was gone tonight, helping a friend videotape a wedding celebration. I knew this was the right time to try it out. Although it meant I would not get his comfort throughout this rough trial, it also meant that he wouldn't have to go through the torture of seeing me suffer, on top of listening to Gabriel. I made up my mind. I gave Gabriel his bath, nursed him, talked to him quietly in his bed for about 10 minutes, and then left him alone. At first he was fine, singing to himself and watching his mobile. Then he started complaining. Little screams becoming more and more insisting, and then, full blown crying. I kept busy, putting away Christmas decorations. The first 15 minutes went relatively well. I thought to myself, I can do this, I know it's for the best. Then the crying started wearing me out. My resolution was fading and I started doubting myself. Am I doing the right thing? Is he too young? The book said this was ok, right? The crying became really desperate and he would choke on his saliva every 2 minutes. I crawled in his room (so he wouldn't see me) to make sure he was fine. There were now 2 of us crying, sweating and trembling. It's an instinctive feeling to want to console your baby and denying it is pure torture. How could I do this to him? He was in such a distressed state! I had to keep busy. I was so frazzled, I had to pack, unpack and repack all my decorations several time in order to make them fit. I was past the point of no return. Still unsure whether I was doing the right thing, but convinced that giving in and running to him now would ruin everything. When it comes to child raising, I do believe in being consistent. So I let time pass. The whole 52 minutes of it. Then suddenly, silence. I of course crawled back to his crib to watch him slowly and quietly fall asleep. Finally. I could start breathing again, and try to relax my upper back and jaw muscles that had been completely locked. I sat down and started writing this post. I needed to share. And then I doubted. Should I publish this, or rather wait till tomorrow morning, to see if he slept well? What if he has his worst night ever? What if he wakes up tomorrow and decides he doesn't love me anymore? I will have publicly admitted to committing the worst mistake ever. We'll just have to wait till tomorrow I guess. In the meantime, I need to read a book on "getting moms to fall asleep alone", because I'm still way to tense to think about sleeping!
Thanks for listening,

Lys xx